That One Item Your Honey Won’t Ditch

As printed in the Black Mountain News August 2013

Remember the saga of the leg lamp from the movie “A Christmas Story?” My husband and I have our own version of that story that remains, as yet, unresolved. Stephen entered our marriage with a robot statue he constructed in college entirely of cafeteria forks, aka “Forkman”. He thought it was a feat of creativity; I thought it was heinously ugly. For months he insisted on displaying it in the living room, as a “conversation piece.” I may, or may not, have nudged it several times while dusting, but it proved quite resilient. Finally, I moved it into our bedroom where I could keep it from further guest exposure. Many of you have whispered to me that you also have such an object haunting your relationship with a significant other, but can’t mention it publicly for fear of retribution. Here’s a few brave souls that spoke up:

 When we got married my husband had a Subway rug, from one of the sandwich stores. It was dirty and had the logo printed in giant letters on it. He thought it would look great in the living room. Um, no.” Merry Leigh Dameron, Valdese NC

 “My husband has several ratty, old baseball hats from high school. He says they are “retired”. They are proudly displayed in our closet!” Katharine McPhail Scala, Black Mountain, NC

 “We own a horrible coffee table– it’s an antique car on the bottom and glass on the top. Dusting nightmare. My husband bought it, and it’s found its resting place in the basement, aka his office.” Joy Fuchs, Asheville, NC

 “My husband won’t get rid of an old, worn out, Brooks Brothers polo shirt. It once was navy blue. Now it’s some other gray color, has holes and the collar is separated from the back of the shirt. I’ve thrown it away twice, and he keeps rescuing it.” Katherine Counce, Black Mountain, NC

 For next month: “What’s the most desperate thing your parents ever did to occupy you as a child?” send your answer to me at

I’m enjoying writing this column for the Black Mountain News.  If you’d like a similar style question/answer column for your local paper/company newsletter, let me know.  It’s a fun way to encourage community and laugh together.



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