Ever Been Happy…

Ever Been Happy To See A Website Crash?

 “Six months ago I hired Jenny to help our company with its online presence. She started and maintains a blog, and helps with posts to Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.  She’s found topics to write about that my customers love, and I’ve seen my website traffic, and social media interaction go up every month.  I’ve gotten more orders and yesterday my website crashed due to too much traffic! I’d say it’s working.  Jenny has accomplished exactly what I hoped!” Laney Landis, President, Old Village Paint.

A Laugh and Upcoming B2B and B2C Tips

Hello everyone! My client list has grown exponentially over the past three months and I’ve shirked my professional blog here to attend to my clients’ needs. I promise some fresh content in the next thirty days- going over tips for profitable B2B and B2C communication.  And until then, here’s an opportunity for a big laugh from my recent column.

As printed in the Black Mountain News November 2013.

A Pregnant Turkey & Other Thanksgiving Stories

I asked and you answered! Your most hilarious Thanksgiving memories…

Dave and I always were up early and getting 2 turkeys ready for the grills because it was family reunion time. One turkey went on just right. But the other one slid off the tray as Dave was taking it out to the grill and it rolled down the mountain. So after retrieving it, it got a bath and seasoned again and back on the grill. Unfortunatelya couple of other family members saw the whole trip down the mountainand we all laughed as we ate it later in the day.” Dana Cadwell, Black Mountain, NC.

We werehaving our typical, traditional Thanksgiving dinner. We were all stuffed on Mom’s good cooking, but of course, no Thanksgiving dinner is complete without a slice of pumpkin pie. So Mom brought the pie triumphantly out, serving us each a generous piece, and topping and it with whipped topping. One by one, we all took our first bite, and one by one, an odd look crossed each of our faces. Mom quickly took a bite of hers, wondering what was wrong. “Oh,” she gasped in horror. “I forgot to put the pumpkin in the pumpkin pie!” Apparently, we were eating egg, milk, sugar and spice pie instead. Tamara Duncan Shoemaker, Harrisonburg, VA.

Five or six years ago Ryan and I decided to play a joke on his brother, Mike. Before we cooked the turkey we stuffed a cornish hen inside it. When it came time to do the carving my father-in-law, Wade, recruited Mike to help him out. As they carved up the turkey Wade started acting uncomfortable (he was in on the joke). We could hear Wade saying things like, “I think this one might have been pregnant” and “your mom will die if she finds out!” Mike slowly started backing away from the turkey determined that he’d have no part in whatever was about to play out. By the time Mike turned around his face was all sorts of confused and he was stuttering about how it wasn’t his fault and he didn’t know it was pregnant. The rest of us wereDYING WITH LAUGHTER. When we all finally stopped laughing, we reminded Mike that turkeys lay eggs. We talk about it every year. “ Jennifer Williams Vann, Atlanta, GA.

Hoping your Thanksgiving is filled with joy, community, and laughter. For next month tell me about your favorite kind of Christmas mail. Send responses to jennyschermerhorn@gmail.com

This Again?

as printed in the Black Mountain News Column October 2013

About ten years ago my sister and I worked a few summers as wedding photographers. Not a profession for the faint of heart.

As I was dashing around trying to document every moment at least one guest at each wedding would start the following conversation: “I was thinking about buying a camera. What type of camera are you using? What kind do you think I should buy?”

At first, I wanted to be helpful. Where did they want to use it? What experience did they have? But soon I realized they thought if they choose the right camera they would instantly have excellent photographs, no skill necessary. Um, really ?! No one asks a chef what kind of oven they use, right? Trust me. You could Williams Sonoma my kitchen right nowand my food would still taste bland and be slightly burnt. Anyway. The camera question lead me to wonder what kind of questions/comments others encounter in their daily life, here’s what you said:

“Don’t those shoes hurt your feet?” Sara Lynn Miller, Black Mountain

 

Do you only have one???” Amy Sperry (Regarding children), Black Mountain

 

“How old is your baby?” Shawn Sutton, Old Fort

 

“What in the world possessed you to marry him?” Katherine Counce, Black Mountain

 

“What?….what?” (my 2-year-old has figured out that you can get people to repeat themselves if you say “what” multiple times. Ah, the joys…) Cortney Pauly, Black Mountain

 

Jason (my husband who is 6’ 7’’) gets “wow you’re tall”… I mean come on people, if you’re going to make a comment about how tall someone is – then get creative. I have also mentioned to Jason that he needs a creative comeback… Hope Burk,  Black Mountain, NC

 

Your Parents Did What ?!

As published in the Black Mountain News September 2013

Forty years ago, somewhere in Northern Canada, a mother of six instructed her husband to build a fenced in area in the yard for . . . her third son. “And”, she added, “it needs a top.” Before you dial child services, you should know they had a train track running through their backyard, and no matter how mama tried, she couldn’t keep her third son from sneaking onto the tracks. So, to keep him safe, he got to “enjoy” play time in the — ahem, cage, built of old hockey sticks, while the other kids ran around in the open air. The little boy, now a grown man, laughed as he told this to me, admitting he was quite a handful. Here are some other stories you shared about lengths your parents went to to occupy you as a child:

 “When my sister and I were younger we would travel from Abingdon, Va to Lansing, NC to visit my grandmother. My dad used to say this was “deer country” and if we were too loud we would scare the deer and not see any. In our desire to see the deer, we would obediently become silent and eventually fall asleep. This ended when my older sister finally put it all together and said ‘but dad wouldn’t they hear the car first?’ ” Amy Hunnicutt. Matthews, NC

 “I was sent to the movie theater, and it didn’t matter what was playing! My parents ran a business on Main Street and on Saturday they would send me down the street with my quarter, and that would let me watch every thing on that day- sometimes twice!! I was a grown woman before I could go to sleep without laying on my back-watching out for the monsters my vivid imagination knew were coming after me after seeing them on the big screen.” Janet Greene. Franklin, NC

 “We would get so wound up on Christmas Eve that my mom would let us jump in the beds (something that was FORBIDDEN any other day) for a long time. When that still didn’t settle us down, she made us scrub the bathrooms with old toothbrushes. Every.single.surface had to be scrubbed with the toothbrush. Kept us busy for a loooong time.” Priscilla Maxwell. Black Mountain, NC

 For October: What comment/question do you hear over and over and OVER in your daily life/work. Send your answer to jennyschermerhorn@gmail.com

That One Item Your Honey Won’t Ditch

As printed in the Black Mountain News August 2013

Remember the saga of the leg lamp from the movie “A Christmas Story?” My husband and I have our own version of that story that remains, as yet, unresolved. Stephen entered our marriage with a robot statue he constructed in college entirely of cafeteria forks, aka “Forkman”. He thought it was a feat of creativity; I thought it was heinously ugly. For months he insisted on displaying it in the living room, as a “conversation piece.” I may, or may not, have nudged it several times while dusting, but it proved quite resilient. Finally, I moved it into our bedroom where I could keep it from further guest exposure. Many of you have whispered to me that you also have such an object haunting your relationship with a significant other, but can’t mention it publicly for fear of retribution. Here’s a few brave souls that spoke up:

 When we got married my husband had a Subway rug, from one of the sandwich stores. It was dirty and had the logo printed in giant letters on it. He thought it would look great in the living room. Um, no.” Merry Leigh Dameron, Valdese NC

 “My husband has several ratty, old baseball hats from high school. He says they are “retired”. They are proudly displayed in our closet!” Katharine McPhail Scala, Black Mountain, NC

 “We own a horrible coffee table– it’s an antique car on the bottom and glass on the top. Dusting nightmare. My husband bought it, and it’s found its resting place in the basement, aka his office.” Joy Fuchs, Asheville, NC

 “My husband won’t get rid of an old, worn out, Brooks Brothers polo shirt. It once was navy blue. Now it’s some other gray color, has holes and the collar is separated from the back of the shirt. I’ve thrown it away twice, and he keeps rescuing it.” Katherine Counce, Black Mountain, NC

 For next month: “What’s the most desperate thing your parents ever did to occupy you as a child?” send your answer to me at jennyschermerhorn@gmail.com

I’m enjoying writing this column for the Black Mountain News.  If you’d like a similar style question/answer column for your local paper/company newsletter, let me know.  It’s a fun way to encourage community and laugh together.